lost!

my brain is a storm ..thoughts, emotions , experiences all running in different directions..to add to the cocktail are dreams, hopes and the spice i call fear! wish i could sort out this crazy running circuit and figure out what it really wants ...who am i? where am i headed? 

reminds me of that statement from illusions where he says the simple questions are the most profound...and now that i think of it, i think its time to look up my Bible! the trick has always worked i should flip open a random page ..but wait didn't the Messiah say it works with any book...so let me do it now...this is what i found...."it's been a long time ," i say . i feel happy too, though strange at suddenly seeing the image move and talk.....now whats the secret lesson? 

there are moments when you so want to crumble and let somebody take over your world and yet as the golden teaching goes, you have been taught you are too strong to be beaten by destiny!

why is it so hard to find that smile again? did i lose it? i know its hiding somewhere..i guess i am not looking hard enough...funny even the burden of my own smile falls on me! somebody take this off me i want to feel free..even from the duty to smile ...free for just a moment give me those wings...let me jump off that cliff with no bonds ...no promises! 

i hear a cry in the distance, i turn around and see a baby looking at me with her bright eyes and i let her grasp my hand ...this is my reason to live ...every baby that goes home from the unit ...every baby that will live a healthier life cause i was at the bedside at 3 in the morning ...every blood gas, every sodium every blood pressure that i normalised thats me!! we all live for a reason after all!!!!