New York!

as i drove back form brooklyn after dropping priya home! i looked at the skyline ! in my head i could hear the lines from Sex and the City where Sarah Jessica Parker says that someday we will find that love of our life and untill then we hae manhattan. For the first time i realised i had fallen in love with New York, despite all the criticism, all the traffic all the complains from friends. the last 4 years have made me a different person, and yes whether i like it or not New York is responsible for it all! and yet the fact remains nothing makes me happier than the sight of the skyline or hours at the Hudson hearing the waves! 

why do i like Times square? is it because of the big lighted screens ? there is something about the energy , the spirit, the millions of dreams that walk past that point, when people look up in amazement! when the street artists finish those caricatures..4 years alot of failures, pain and sorrow and just one realisation life goes on and no better place to learn it all than New York!!

feeling at home!

i have always been a faithful starbucks customer to the point that i looked for a starbucks before i decided to rent my apartment in ossining. And i always used to feel like a stranger here and miss my old starbucks because everybody would remember my drink and have it ready when i walked in to the bayridge cafe, after a year of living here when i was waiting for a friend at the cafe the Barista got my drink ready and actually brought it over.I was touched i wish i could tell the team how that little gesture made me feel at home. And going through a rough patch in life it meant alot. i wish i could tell the team that their little gesture made my day!

lost!

my brain is a storm ..thoughts, emotions , experiences all running in different directions..to add to the cocktail are dreams, hopes and the spice i call fear! wish i could sort out this crazy running circuit and figure out what it really wants ...who am i? where am i headed? 

reminds me of that statement from illusions where he says the simple questions are the most profound...and now that i think of it, i think its time to look up my Bible! the trick has always worked i should flip open a random page ..but wait didn't the Messiah say it works with any book...so let me do it now...this is what i found...."it's been a long time ," i say . i feel happy too, though strange at suddenly seeing the image move and talk.....now whats the secret lesson? 

there are moments when you so want to crumble and let somebody take over your world and yet as the golden teaching goes, you have been taught you are too strong to be beaten by destiny!

why is it so hard to find that smile again? did i lose it? i know its hiding somewhere..i guess i am not looking hard enough...funny even the burden of my own smile falls on me! somebody take this off me i want to feel free..even from the duty to smile ...free for just a moment give me those wings...let me jump off that cliff with no bonds ...no promises! 

i hear a cry in the distance, i turn around and see a baby looking at me with her bright eyes and i let her grasp my hand ...this is my reason to live ...every baby that goes home from the unit ...every baby that will live a healthier life cause i was at the bedside at 3 in the morning ...every blood gas, every sodium every blood pressure that i normalised thats me!! we all live for a reason after all!!!!